BREAKING NEWS: Arjun Rampal behind Dhoni-Test split?

Last week, the cricketing world was left in a shock with the sudden and immediate retirement of Indian skipper Mahendra Singh Dhoni from Test cricket. This decision surprised many and some inane news channels even looked for conspiracy theories, when perhaps, none existed.

This writer too snubbed the overzealous, TRP-hungry news channels, until this tweet by an alleged wife-stealer had my imagination running wild.

@rampalarjun: “Captain our captain @msdhoni hangs up his gloves from test cricket. Your leadership, gave us our most amazing memories. Will miss u. You are the best.”

Look, who’s come out backing MS Dhoni? Arjun Rampal, the man REPORTEDLY behind Hrithik and Suzanne’s split.

Well, well, well! History is said to have repeated itself here too with the man now said to have orchestrated the split between Dhoni and his first love, TEST cricket!

Sounds surreal? But there appear some good reasons to corroborate this claim!

Firstly, if your carefully deconstruct this tweet, it kinda conceals-yet-reveals something.

‘Your leadership gave us AMAZING moment’


Mr.Rampal would you like to specify what amazing moments? Why such a defining ‘WILL-MISS-YOU”?

No sooner did this new break, that you were amongst the first ones to tweet about Dhoni’s retirement from Tests. Did you get whiff of such a thing even before Dhoni conveyed his decision to his wife Sakshi or the Indian team?

Also, remarkably, a day later you tweeted wishing every one in Australia and New Zealand a very Happy New Year.

Mr.Rampal, why wish the Ozzies first before us Indians? Was your wish directed towards Dhoni?

Well, these tweets can be ambiguous but what needs to be traced as how did Arjun Rampal influence Dhoni’s decision to retire from Tests?

Sources have it that the Dhoni hurt his finger, not whilst keeping wickets, but by constantly playing the deadly Ra.One game on his PlayStation. Well, the finger became so sore pressing the joystick, that Dhoni not only had to miss the 5-ODIs against Sri Lanka and the first Test in Australia, but apparently, the insurance company that he endorses, has refused to provide cover for his sore fingers. Their claim is that this was not any injury through playing with ball, but one inflicted through a button.

In his endeavor to be ‘ALAG’ (different) , Dhoni was trapped into a ‘Chakravyuh’  (vicious circle) by Rampal who made the Indian skipper watch his torturous films like ‘I See You’. Sadly, with his finger rendered impotent, poor Dhoni couldn’t say ‘Inkaar’  (no) to Rampal’s ‘WE ARE FAMILY’ and well victim to Rampal’s dirty ‘Raajneeti’

This torture had a damming effect on Dhoni that he started believing that ‘Test cricket se ‘Darna Zaroori Hai’ (Needs to be feared) and so he eventually quit the format. That’s not all, now that Dhoni’s retried from Tests, but he’s sill in Australia as a back-up keeper for Wriddhiman Saha for the final Test. That though is just a gimmick as rumours have it that Rampal intends to fly down to Australia to hold a special screening of his next ‘Roy’ for Dhoni. In other words, after having separated him from Tests, Rampal now wants to Roy-ally screw MSD.

Well, conspiracy theories galore as it is now buzzed that Rampal and Dhoni affair led to the Kohli Dhawan spat in Brisbane.. It seems that Dhawan overheard Dhoni speaking to Rampal, who wanted the skipper to replace Sushant Singh Rajput in the Dhoni biopic, ‘MSD: The Untold Story’. The actor is of the view that it is he who has the long locks and the tan to go with it.

msd story

Also, as an actor, Rajput will not be up to the ‘Test’ as can be seen from the movie poster where he is donning an ODI jersey than a Test one.

Anyways, back to the spat. Sources have it that after learning of Dhawan over hearing their conversation, Rampal filled Virat’s ear that the southpaw was making fun of Anushka Sharma after watching PK. The ensuing tussle left Dhawan with a sore arm, leaving Kohli to face the feisty Mitchell Johnson earlier than expected.

Ironically, Dhoni himself admitted that Dhawan’s bizarre injury led to ‘unrest’ in the team, but later withdrew the statement. As sinister theories, like one above, emerged, Dhoni and the team were quick to rubbish these tales a figment of the writer’s imagination and perhaps, the scribe would be apt to write fiction for Warner Bros or Marvel.

And as luck would have it, Warner Bros have taken cognizance of the various conspiracy theories, and have chose yours truly to script MSD: The ‘UNREST” story, with ARJUN RAMPAL playing the lead,

arjun locks

Darshan Zariwala as Srinivasan,


Arnab Goswami as Meiyappan

and Vindoo Daru Singh playing himself, a conduit in the sport fixing saga!

sakshi vindoo
Now this looks like a ‘match ‘ made in heaven. Whistle Podu! All thanks to the effort of one RA.ONE, ufff.. Rampal!

DISCLAIMER” The views expressed in this blog are purely for satirical purposes  only. The content within is purely a work of fiction. So, no lawsuits heading this way.


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