There’s no magic. The key to achieve your goals lies in your desires. Unless you ask, you will never get it. Saina Nehwal and Vijender Singh gave us a timely reminder by expressing their desire to be rewarded with the Padma award (India civilian awards). While Nehwal has succeeded in getting her wish, Vijender’s plea looks unlikely to be answered in the affirmative.

Nevertheless, the loud expression of their desires has inspired few others to make their pitch for a Padma award. Some of them are almost unabashed in their demands.

SANJAY DUTT & The ‘Art of Leaving’

dutt pack

As great an actor he is, but Sanjay Dutt is now the master at the ‘Art of Leaving’. For never in the history of India has a prisoner managed to get as many annual leaves as Dutt. The actor, who is convicted in possession of illegal weapons case and sentenced to 6 years of rigorous imprisonment, has managed to get more leaves than a private sector employee. Dutt was given a month-long leave in October 2013, followed by a 14-day parole in December 2013. The largesse continued early in 2014 too, and Dutt found himself at home again in December, 2014.

That’s not all, he nearly got another two-week extension only for the courts to reject his plea at the 11th hour. Along with this ‘Art of Leaving’, Dutt put most men to shame by carving a 6-pack ab in jail. Now, how many convicts can ‘pull’ in such reserves of strength? Some youth are so impressed that they are willing to commit petty crimes in order to get trained from Dutt in Yerawada Jail. And that’s not all, even India’s most wanted men like Dawood Ibrahim, Zaki-ur-Rehman Lakhvi are willing to surrender provided they get trained in the ‘Art of Leaving’.

And soon the man will have his biopic too on the silver screen. Ah…Ab ek Padma toh banta hai boss!
DUNCAN FLETCHER – The ‘YES MAN’

duncan

Now it isn’t strange for foreigners to be given Indian civilians awards, and so one shouldn’t frown at the prospect of Duncan Fletcher throwing his hat into the ring. Disgruntled Indian cricket fans, and Sunil Gavaskar, would cringe at this very thought, but a careful insight into Zimbabwean’s stint as Indian cricket coach would make him apt for the Padma award.

* Whitewashed in England, Australia, plus home series loss to England, and series loss to New Zealand too. No coach has achieved a remarkable consistency in being inconsistent. Yet he’s held on to his job.

* Since most players consider him a father figure, Duncan Fletcher likens himself to Mahatma Gandhi, as the Father of the cricketing Nation.

* As the coach of the England team, he could never beat India in a Test series. But he embodied ‘Athiti-dev-bhava (Guest is like God)  spirit by gifting a home Test series to his former employers.

* Trust Fletcher never to speak a word against his boss and know the do’s and don’ts to the tee. That explains that despite one disappointment after another, Fletcher happily sealed his lips, never hitting out against the players or his BCCI bosses.
‘Free Download’   SUNNY LEONE MMS

sunny

Now when you overtake the Prime Minister of India Shri Narendra Modi as the most searched (downloaded) celebrity on the internet, boy you deserve more than a Padma, It would be wrong to term Sunny Leone a porn star, for she’s now evolved into a sex Goddess, out to bless men and women alike. She’s always in our hearts, our cell phones, a ‘tablet’ for the sick minds. So who cares if she can’t speak Hindi, or act to save her life. As long you keep looking sexy Sunny, the sun will always rise in the East.
ALOK NATH – Betiyon ke Babuji

alok

For a nation that’s proudly addressed as Bharat Mata (Mother India), Alok Nath is an ideal father for the girls, or as they say, the ideal ‘Betiyon Ke Babuji’.  (At least, in Bollywood, and in the world of memes)

As an actor, Alok Nath earned his bread as the quintessential father of the bride-to-be. And that role required him to do multiple ‘kanyadaans’. Babuji though wouldn’t have imagined that this kanyadaan would multiply by tons.

Buzz has it that Babuji has so far done a remarkable 1,34, 581 kanyaadaans (Sachin Tendulkar, how many runs did you have). Well, legend has it that no sooner than he was born, Alok Nath ne nurse ka kanyadaan kar diya. Since then, Babuji has been preserving our culture, treating every girl as his daughter, running amok with kanyadaans.
Now, the poor man is too ‘sanskaari’ (cultured) to even think of expecting something in return for his social services. So, the government should simply wrap the Padma in a wedding envelope and mail it to Babuji.
MAD ‘RUSH’ FOR ‘PADMA’

SALMAN

His very presence in the country can lead to riots, yet Mumbai-born British author Salman Rushdie had a rendezvous with a ‘Padma’ of a different kind. The controversial author is of the view that if there ought to be a gap of five years between 2 Padmas, then he’s certainly deserves ones since he divorced Padma Lakshmi in 2007. And he sure can take this Padma to his grave! Ah,… Any objections Mr.Bukhari?

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