Slur of the ‘SLAPGATE’

So thundered Sonakshi Sinha that even our Dabanng Chulbul Pandey was rendered speechless.

The ‘Thappad-se-darr-nahi-lagta’ line caught on like a fire, winning Sonakshi hordes of fans, especially her ilk, who stoutly chose to put forth their cheek than flaunt the pout.
Uff, but as always real is different from the reel.

A spate of ‘splagates’ in a few days have led women fearing for their safety, and also shoving the ‘Thappad-se-darr-nahi-lagta’ line to the bin.

Well, these gory pictures created a stir in the nation, and the omnipresent media was quick to raise a stink, pound the culprits, and milk the Slapgates for TRPs.

Women being slapped in public are indeed a matter of grave concern, but I, Mayur Lookhar, decided to look at the lighter side of these acts of rage.
1. A thappad in the name of tehzeeb

Seen here is the pretty Gauhar Khan in tears, after she was slapped on the sets of a reality show, India’s Raw Stars, by a conservative Muslim youth, who took offence to Gauhar’s skimpy clothes.

Mr.Akil Malik, may be certain cultures don’t approve of such dress code, but slapping a woman in public, ‘YEH KAHA KI TEHZEEB?” (What kind of manners is it?)
To hell with Malik. But these gentleman reacted differently to the Raw Star Gauhar’s RAW-yal assault.

Thx, Akil, you’ve avenged me!

And what about Miss Khan’s once-upon-a-time Romeo

Main kaun hoon? main kahan hoon?

(Who am I, where am I?)
Ya Allah! Gauhar, what have you done to this poor soul?
2. Caned in the car

Arguably, the most gruesome of all the slapgates. Unheralded actor Yogita Dandekar, who has acted in films like Traffic Signal and Zara Sambhal Ke, had no inkling that one day these titles would tell a horror tale of reality. Dandekar was a victim of road rage, when an unruly businessman and his driver assaulted her for allegedly ramming her car into their SUV.

In a scene reminiscent of a Bollywood film, the business man’s driver stormed to her car, and as soon as she opened her car window, the man slapped her endlessly for 10 minutes. Clearly, the misogynist driver didn’t have enough, so he allegedly dragged her out of the car so that his master can lay a hand or two on the poor soul. And like our films, the audience just stood and watched.

Well, the bruises are all there to see, but not too long ago, Ms.Dandekar bared her back in support of social crusader Anna Hazare, who now had this to say

“Chalo pehle sirf kamar dekhi thi, is baar chehra dekh liya”

(Earlier, I saw just her back. Now, I’ve seen her face)

3.RACHEL-ially? A Sino-Pak war in India?

Oh, now this altercation had few twists to it. She first played victim, but then it turned out that Rachel Sangliana might actually be the one to have pulled the trigger.
Rachel, daughter of Bangalore police commissioner HT Sangliana raised the race attack bogey, after claiming that she was Rachel-ially abused by locals in a super market in Bangalore.

Miss Sangliana, who is of North East Indian descent, alleged that she was abused and pushed by a Muslim woman, who didn’t take her ‘PLEASE-STAND-IN-LINE-PLEA’ too kindly.

“You guys are outsiders, spoiling the country. Go back to Pakistan,” chided Rachel.

And pat came the patriot’s reply, “We are Indians, why don’t you go to China”

Well, meanwhile up in the north, the Haryanvis and Hindu fundamentalists sighed,

“No need to wield our laths (sticks). The Chinese are Pakis are eliminating themselves”

Commissioner Sangliana though had a take of his own

,
WHAT? Chinese conspiracy?
Beijing was quick to say,

“To hell with Rachel, why didn’t anyone slap the DD anchor who called me Eleven Xingping?”

And meanwhile, Pakistan came with the standard defence

4. CASTING C-OUCH

Oh, yeah, Rakhi’s on a rampage again, But this time, there’s no Mika to blame, For our blabber queen is battling for her aggrieved colleague, Manisha Kumari, who accused a nondescript director, Sachendra Sharma for asking sexual favours.
Deciding to stand-up against the casting couch menace (and gain some mileage too) , Manisha took it upon herself to discipline Sharma. So, at the launch of ‘Mumbai Can dance Saala, Miss Kumari unleashed a high voltage slap on Sharma’s face.

Reality television at its best!
Well, ‘Besharam’ Sharma was quick to term this as gimmick and has vowed to fight back. HOW?
He’s watched Dr.Dang and Karma 100 times since the slapgate

             “Is thappad ki goonj suni tumne? Ab is goonj ki goonj tumhe sunai degi,”

(Did you hear the echo of the slap? Now, you’ll hear the echo of this echo)
Ya, ya Sharma ji, We’ve heard that before, but when Dr.Dang gives way to a Shaukeen, then it’s fair to say that Mumbai can’t dance, bit it sure can SLAP a saala!

This is a country where one slap can make headlines. So, don’t be surprised if there are more slapgates in the making.
What wouldn’t change though is this cry baby?

“Teeche mai la, koi isko ek thappad aur maaro yaar”!

(Your motha’s…, . Some one please slap him again)

DISCLAIMER:

The views expressed in this blog are purely for satirical purposes only. They needn’t be taken seriously. So ladies, no slaps coming this way.